So my Pinterest addiction has had some very beneficial side effects. One of them has been the addition of freezer/slow cooker meals. I work 12-13 hours shifts which sometimes run closer to fifteen. Having the ability to have food ready when my husband comes home from work has greatly decreased our eating out bill. Well, until I fell off the prep ahead wagon. So once again I am making my list to head to the grocery store to restock my freezer.
I always wanted to make more home made meals but I wasn't sure when I was gonna find the time or the energy. Then there was pinterest and the pin on "Dump" Cooking. This post would change our families summer. Freezer slow cooking is the ultimate in plan ahead. I don't have to cook ahead and I don't have to do alot of hands on cooking.
For anyone that cooks I highly recommend looking into it. Don't be scared by the recipes where you spend a whole day actually cooking and then freezing. It can be as simple as plopping stuff in a gallon ziplock and then having 20+ meals ready to cook in less than 1 hr of work. I am putting some of my pinterest board links to where I keep my favorite recipes I have found.
http://pinterest.com/nicucourtney/freezer-meals/
http://pinterest.com/nicucourtney/slow-cooker/
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Saturday, September 15, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The End of an Era
As a first time mom I was nervous about breastfeeding. My job as a neonatal nurse practitioner added a little bit more stress because I knew how important it was especially since Jack would be going to daycare.
Then Jack wouldn't nurse.
He had been born a little early at 35 weeks, so I was super paranoid about making sure he ate enough so I started to pump and give a bottle. I still tried to nurse but it got harder and harder and then there was reflux. Now as a neonatal nurse I have been puked on a fair number of times and I thought there was no way I could be surprised. Note to self - NEVER EVER EVER say you can't be surprised.
Jack would have such bad reflux that I could feel it come up and he literally would have projectile vomit that cleared a good 3 feet.
I was shocked. His vomiting was so impressives that my stepson said we should sell tickets to see Jack. I was like what? He went on to explain that we could feed Jack turn him towards the crowd and say wait for it, wait for it, and then let Jack spray the crowd. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because my step son was right.
It wasn't the laundry I minded it was the screaming and the clear pain that he was in. Then I would try to breastfeed him and you would think I was poking him with a hot poker. With the reflux, we found that in addition to the medicine if we thickened with rice cereal he no longer resembled a human puke canyon.
So I pumped, and I pumped, and I pumped. While I stayedd home I pumped every 3 hours. I had a decent amount of milk in the fridge. Then I went to work. In a job where lunch and bathroom breaks was not always guaranteed, I was determined to continue to pump. So I became a multitasker. I could pump, type my notes, and eat lunch. Then the dreaded happen - I started getting less. Jack was 4 months old and I wasn't ready to quit. So I took the herbs, the teas, woke up to pump in the middle of the night. My milk came back and I was ecstatic.
Then came Labor Day. We were in Colorado visiting my brother. I was pumping and not getting much and then my stepson accidentally knocked over the bottle spilling what little I had. I was so upset I thought I was gonna have a breakdown. I remember looking at my husband and thinking I can't do this anymore.
I was devastated. I felt like a failure. Not inly had I not been able to nurse my child but I didn't make it to my goal of 6 months. But you know what, after I accepted that I was not gonna be able to keep doing it I felt relieved. Finally, I could relax and enjoy feeding the baby, playing with him and not obsessing about my milk.
My husband told me something that really made it better - he said you have worked so hard and you have done the best you can. I am proud of you. It seemed like I was off the hook. Who knows, maybe next time it will be different - either better or worse. But I am convinced that I gave it my all.
Bye Bye Pump.
Then Jack wouldn't nurse.
He had been born a little early at 35 weeks, so I was super paranoid about making sure he ate enough so I started to pump and give a bottle. I still tried to nurse but it got harder and harder and then there was reflux. Now as a neonatal nurse I have been puked on a fair number of times and I thought there was no way I could be surprised. Note to self - NEVER EVER EVER say you can't be surprised.
Jack would have such bad reflux that I could feel it come up and he literally would have projectile vomit that cleared a good 3 feet.
I was shocked. His vomiting was so impressives that my stepson said we should sell tickets to see Jack. I was like what? He went on to explain that we could feed Jack turn him towards the crowd and say wait for it, wait for it, and then let Jack spray the crowd. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because my step son was right.
It wasn't the laundry I minded it was the screaming and the clear pain that he was in. Then I would try to breastfeed him and you would think I was poking him with a hot poker. With the reflux, we found that in addition to the medicine if we thickened with rice cereal he no longer resembled a human puke canyon.
So I pumped, and I pumped, and I pumped. While I stayedd home I pumped every 3 hours. I had a decent amount of milk in the fridge. Then I went to work. In a job where lunch and bathroom breaks was not always guaranteed, I was determined to continue to pump. So I became a multitasker. I could pump, type my notes, and eat lunch. Then the dreaded happen - I started getting less. Jack was 4 months old and I wasn't ready to quit. So I took the herbs, the teas, woke up to pump in the middle of the night. My milk came back and I was ecstatic.
Then came Labor Day. We were in Colorado visiting my brother. I was pumping and not getting much and then my stepson accidentally knocked over the bottle spilling what little I had. I was so upset I thought I was gonna have a breakdown. I remember looking at my husband and thinking I can't do this anymore.
I was devastated. I felt like a failure. Not inly had I not been able to nurse my child but I didn't make it to my goal of 6 months. But you know what, after I accepted that I was not gonna be able to keep doing it I felt relieved. Finally, I could relax and enjoy feeding the baby, playing with him and not obsessing about my milk.
My husband told me something that really made it better - he said you have worked so hard and you have done the best you can. I am proud of you. It seemed like I was off the hook. Who knows, maybe next time it will be different - either better or worse. But I am convinced that I gave it my all.
Bye Bye Pump.
Mourning
The hardest part of my job, is finding the right words to say when I have to tell a family that we can do no more to save their precious baby. After a particularly hard weekend, I have looked for some poems on line that share some sentiments I want to keep in mind.
A million times I've missed you, a million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for my life went with you -sweetheart- the day angels called you home.
For things on earth didn't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile, our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.
~Unknown
I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky.
I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.
She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.
Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried.
So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way.
~Authour Unknown
Gone Too Soon
This was a life that hardly begun
no time to find your place in the sun
no time to do all you could have done
but we loved you enough for a lifetime
No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
no time to sing the song of yourself
though you had enough love for a lifetime
Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayel, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..
~Authour Unknown
They Say There is a Reason
They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.
~Author Unknown
A million times I've missed you, a million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for my life went with you -sweetheart- the day angels called you home.
For things on earth didn't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile, our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.
~Unknown
I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky.
I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.
She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.
Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried.
So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way.
~Authour Unknown
Gone Too Soon
This was a life that hardly begun
no time to find your place in the sun
no time to do all you could have done
but we loved you enough for a lifetime
No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
no time to sing the song of yourself
though you had enough love for a lifetime
Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayel, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..
~Authour Unknown
They Say There is a Reason
They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.
~Author Unknown
Monday, September 10, 2012
As a neonatal nurse practitioner, there have always been those days
that just make you stop and wonder why. Why do bad things happen to
good people? Why am I so blessed? Why couldn't I do more?
This
weekend was one of those times. It was one of the hardest weekends I've
had at work emotionally since I had Jack. There is a patient I have
been taking care of since shortly after I came back from maternity
leave. He was born early and faced many obstacles but was such a strong
little boy. This weekend his fight and struggle came to an end. I
watched as two parents who loved their son so much, made the difficult
to choice to let him stop fighting. On his three month birthday, we
reached the point that I never want to be at. There was nothing more we
could offer and despite all we were doing he was not getting better.
So after difficult discussions with the parents we took him outside.
For the first time in his life he felt the sun, he felt the breeze, and
at that moment we took his tube out. His parents got to see his face
without tape for the first time ever. The heartbreak those parents
experienced will never leave me. I hope to never be in their shoes. I
came home that night, three hours late, and woke JAck up. Despite the
scares with the pregnancy and labor, Jackson is happy and healthy. He
wasn't pleased with being woken up at first but then he smiled and
laughed in my arms. My heart just breaks for parents who go through so
much and still don't get to go home and snuggle with their precious
little gift. I hate that sometimes I have to tell families that medicine can't fix everything. I hate having to tell them that sometimes, babies die.
I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!
~Author Unknown
I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!
~Author Unknown
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Day Care Blues
So, Jack has been at day care for a little over a month now. Or 3 colds, and 1 case of pinkeye.
I have decided that picking Jack up is way easier than dropping him off. I normally drop him off and my husband picks him up. Its been over a month and while Jack often smiles and laughs when I drop him off (he is very social) I often feel like crying. Especially when he doesn't seem to mind me leaving. However, this week I am in the step down unit instead of ICU and I am working shorter days (10 hours compared to 13hrs+). So I have been picking up Jack and I love how when I wake him up to get him at daycare he gets so excited. He is laughing and cooing and always wants to snuggle in close to me. So even though I am working more days this week, it is nice to have more awake time with him. One other good note is that my milk seems to have come in more thanks to fenugreek and more milk plus supplements. I really want to make it to 6 months of breastmilk. I have so much more respect for all the NICU moms who pump for so long.
I have decided that picking Jack up is way easier than dropping him off. I normally drop him off and my husband picks him up. Its been over a month and while Jack often smiles and laughs when I drop him off (he is very social) I often feel like crying. Especially when he doesn't seem to mind me leaving. However, this week I am in the step down unit instead of ICU and I am working shorter days (10 hours compared to 13hrs+). So I have been picking up Jack and I love how when I wake him up to get him at daycare he gets so excited. He is laughing and cooing and always wants to snuggle in close to me. So even though I am working more days this week, it is nice to have more awake time with him. One other good note is that my milk seems to have come in more thanks to fenugreek and more milk plus supplements. I really want to make it to 6 months of breastmilk. I have so much more respect for all the NICU moms who pump for so long.
Monday, August 20, 2012
More about Me
I am a neonatal nurse practitioner. I love my job. I love the ups the downs, the dramas and getting to know amazing families. I grow as a person every day that I work and help families through such a precious but difficult time.
I have always dreamed of having a family of my own. I was blessed with an amazing husband who is truly my best friend. I was also blessed to be a part of his son's life and T always makes me smile and strive to be a better step parent. St. Patrick's day of 2012 we were blessed with an amazing little boy named Jackson Cooper. Thus my family was getting a little fuller and a lot more crazy.
The pregnancy wasn't easy. It seemed like if there was a complication I found it. Cholestasis of pregnancy (i looked like I was attacked by a werewolf!), gestational diabetes (so much for all you can eat ice cream while pregnant), several preterm labor scares and final premature rupture of membranes at 35 weeks. I should have known that the delivery would be anything but a piece of cake. So an induction was started, and then well Jackson changed his mind (after over 4 hours of pushing) and because of my history of back surgery ended up undergoing a general anesthesia c-section. John tells the story best he was going back and forth from the NICU to the recovery room and he says I asked at least a dozen times how the baby was. Finally, after 3 hours I was awake enough from the general to go to the NICU to see my little Lucky Charm.
He to did things his own way (his dad and my coworkers blame me) and ripped out his iv and started eating all within 12 hours. He did remarkably well and was home within 48 hours. Little did I know that the rollar coaster had just begun. As a Neonatal nurse practitioner, I am well aware of babies and reflux. I never doubted families when they said it was painful for their children. However, apparently it was one of many lessons that apparently Jack was sent to teach me. Five months later we still have good and bad days with the reflux.
So why a blog? In part because I have found so much comfort in reading others blogs, in part because I've always wondered about it.
So there you have it here is the start of my journey to becoming a better wife, stepmother, and mother.
I have always dreamed of having a family of my own. I was blessed with an amazing husband who is truly my best friend. I was also blessed to be a part of his son's life and T always makes me smile and strive to be a better step parent. St. Patrick's day of 2012 we were blessed with an amazing little boy named Jackson Cooper. Thus my family was getting a little fuller and a lot more crazy.
The pregnancy wasn't easy. It seemed like if there was a complication I found it. Cholestasis of pregnancy (i looked like I was attacked by a werewolf!), gestational diabetes (so much for all you can eat ice cream while pregnant), several preterm labor scares and final premature rupture of membranes at 35 weeks. I should have known that the delivery would be anything but a piece of cake. So an induction was started, and then well Jackson changed his mind (after over 4 hours of pushing) and because of my history of back surgery ended up undergoing a general anesthesia c-section. John tells the story best he was going back and forth from the NICU to the recovery room and he says I asked at least a dozen times how the baby was. Finally, after 3 hours I was awake enough from the general to go to the NICU to see my little Lucky Charm.
He to did things his own way (his dad and my coworkers blame me) and ripped out his iv and started eating all within 12 hours. He did remarkably well and was home within 48 hours. Little did I know that the rollar coaster had just begun. As a Neonatal nurse practitioner, I am well aware of babies and reflux. I never doubted families when they said it was painful for their children. However, apparently it was one of many lessons that apparently Jack was sent to teach me. Five months later we still have good and bad days with the reflux.
So why a blog? In part because I have found so much comfort in reading others blogs, in part because I've always wondered about it.
So there you have it here is the start of my journey to becoming a better wife, stepmother, and mother.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Resources for Moms who Pump
As a first time mom and a NICU nurse I wanted to exclusively breastfeed. However, Jack was born 5 weeks early, and had horrible reflux. He absolutely refused to nurse. So I have been pumping since. Jack will be five months in 2 days and I wish I had found this website earlier.
Exclusive Pumping (Resources)
Exclusive Pumping (Resources)
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