Hard Week in the NICU

This last week has been hard in the NBICU.  We lost 3 patients.  This part of our job never gets any easier.  Andrew, Rio and Amaris may be gone but they will never be forgotten by their families or by us.  Their families will never be forgotten.  The babies go to join Jax, Gabriel. Aaron, Bridget, and unfortunately many others.

This week I was taken by surprise when one of the families came back and gave me (and everyone who had taken care of Rio) the following story.
A wise man was accustomed to taking walks on the beach every morning, thinking of ways to change the world.  One morning, he passed a boy methodically picking up starfish off the beach and throwing them into the water. He asked the boy, "Why are you doing this?" The boy replied without looking up, "It's low tide," he said, "and all these starfish on the beach will die out here in the sun." The mans smiled. "But son, this beach stretches on for miles and miles and there are thousands of starfish.  Do you really think you are making a difference?" The boy grabbed a star fish, gently tossed it back into the water and then looked up at the man. "I made a difference to that one."
They finsihed the story with saying this was their way of saying thank you for making a difference in their lives and the life of Rio.

This really touched me in a way that I can't really explain.  Often when having to help families say goodbye to their babies I feel a sense of failure.  I often feel like I let these families down.  There unfortuneately is not always things that can be done.  We try our best and sometimes it is not enough.  Instead of feeling like I let them down, this family reminded me that for whatever time they had him I and other members of the NICU team had made a positive impact on their lives.

So the lesson reinforced to many of us this week, is to take time to hug and love those close to you, because death can be sudden and unexpected.

Mourning

The hardest part of my job, is finding the right words to say when I have to tell a family that we can do no more to save their precious baby.  After a particularly hard weekend, I have looked for some poems on line that share some sentiments I want to keep in mind. 


A million times I've missed you, a million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for my life went with you -sweetheart- the day angels called you home.
For things on earth didn't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile, our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.
~Unknown


I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky.

I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.

She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.

Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried.

So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way.
~Authour Unknown


Gone Too Soon

This was a life that hardly begun
no time to find your place in the sun
no time to do all you could have done
but we loved you enough for a lifetime

No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
no time to sing the song of yourself
though you had enough love for a lifetime

Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayel, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..
~Authour Unknown


They Say There is a Reason

They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.
~Author Unknown